wow.  a month goes by.  still with jimmy.  having a hard
couple of weeks.  but its getting there.  one step at a time,
its getting there.

we have come to the last year with stupid danny and the kangaroo. 
ggrr towards danny.  and yet…yesterday…the way we talked to
each other…it was so easy, as if it came as natural as breathing to
us…which in a way it kind of does.  he was one of the best
friends ive ever had.  and i lost him.  and her. 
because of a stupid misunderstanding, and a screw up on my part. 
love lost, such a cost, giving things that wont get lost.  like a
coin that wont get tossed, rolling home to you.

i think that adrienne is in love with me.  which is kind of
scary.  and i think that jimmy is in love with adrienne.  and
he doesnt know it.  which is equally scary.  and i just dont
know what to do.

father.  why have you forsaken me?

i dont think you trust
in my
self righteous suicide
i cry
when angels deserve
to die

***

the silence.  it feeds our tension, growing, spreading, devouring
our unsaid words.  the silence.  its always there. 
always.  it seems that no matter what, no matter what you say, no
matter how much we try, it appears, like the darkness of night finally
takes over the day.  why have you turned away?  in my heart,
i feel youre nonchalance.  how can you look at me and not bleed on
the inside?  you claim you cared so much, but when you hurt me the
most, you turned your head and shrugged it off.  if its over, let
it go.  but its not over.  and i dont think that i can let it
go.  and somehow, i dont think you have either.  otherwise,
where does the silence come from?  oh that silence.  your
words lead to mine, lead to your withering looks, lead to my shattering
heart.  cue the nervous laugh, cut to quick yet vague explanation,
into the contemplation of our conversation.

fade to blackout.  silence.

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