how i wish i could have blacked out this entire weekend.
so many stupid things going on in everyones mind. why are we all being so ridiculous? woody doesnt like the horse, im not attracted to woody, and bunny and buddy are NOT in a secret relationship. and yet still we all continue with this horrific breaking of friendship. the feelings i have for woody at this moment are the FARTHEST thing from attraction as can be humanly possible. i am so angry at him, i cant stand it. but like it matters. were not allowed to talk to each other anyways. which is also his fault, but i wont play the blame game.
and hes being so dramatic about it. hes got his back turned to me and drizzy, not just a turn of the head, hes giving us a complete view of the back of his bright orange shirt. and he wont even talk to pickle, which is so stupid, because pickles probably his best ally in all of this. but of course he doesnt care. he only cares about one thing, and thats himself. men and their pride.
it gets so frustrating, after a while i pull out my last piece of binder paper and scribble, stop looking so pitiful, please. you have no one to blame but yourself. its not my fault that you decided to let the horse sit on your damned lap. really, its quite saddening. i know youre not like this. why are you acting like an asshole?
at which point i fold the note into millionth pieces and toss it at his desk. i miss of course–no one ever said i was a basketball star–and he rolls his eyes, showing the first sign of life since i entered the room. he decides to let it sit there for a while, torturing me, then finally picks it up and opens it. he writes back, look, i realized this last period, k? i fucked up. i know that i cant do anything to change it. and she’ll never know how sorry i am about that. you dont think its hard for me? try not being able to talk to you. yesterday when you were having your asthma attack, i wanted so badly to spring up out of this fucking desk and hold you, comfort you. but i cant. i heard your voice the other day and almost started crying. and i know that she doesnt care about me as much as i do her.
my furious reply: dont make the mistake of thinking she doesnt care about you. she LOVES you. dont even go there. he doesnt. instead, he takes it nowhere, and rips the note into pieces before throwing it in the garbage.